A Shell Wrapped in Silence

Find the key that pries under her shell
Kiss her past the morning bell
Ring, Ring, Ring
The shadow's calling
..one from his beaten path.
She ripped the carpet from underneath us
where tangled magic lies.
With sparkled dust from some past life,
a part of me dies.
Cause I knew you before all this,
maybe from another realm,
so from afar it's you I'll miss,
sitting beneath the Elm.
The rope keeps our souls tied together
as we play the game tug-of-war,
And in my dreams I saw you there,
which made me crave you even more.
I reached into my pocket
and cut my hand on your sharp word.
I kept those for too long,
wrapped around me like a cord.
So I untied the knot of made-up words
to release the tension,
and then I focused on what you first mentioned.
When we met you favored the angles of my face,
but the most memorable thing you said was,
"I want to help you finish this race".
That race I ran along side my mind,
trying to mesh three parts of one kind.
My mind, body & soul all grew feet of their own,
which layed me into exhaustion,
a bed I slept in all alone.
Endlessly searching among the wrong places
for the right blacksmith to melt me together,
but I found no willing faces.
For how could I when I am my own Queen.
In silence I was Guinevere
holding my gaze in the mirror,
& sent compassion through my lonely eyes,
disintegrating all of society's lies.
Look closely now & you can see
all the power I possess in me.
I found it without King Arthur,
a pearl & the holy grail
all wrapped underneath my shell.
So here I stand among the others
to tell of the secrets I found,
but fear shouts while truth whispers,
so I choose to wait alone.
I sit here & hum
to the others who are completely numb
. .and eventually they will come.

Falling Up

A ball trickles
Wrapped in hard foil
And it lies in the pit of my stomach
I want to set it on fire; I want to punch it to its downfall
Did you fall?
You said you fell for me; your diary trickles with dull black ink
My name traced its pages like a whisper in the loving summer wind
Maybe just one page, one you placed into your pocket before tearing to shreds
But I kept falling, just like Alice, until I “thunked” onto the tile floor
Sank deep against the walls until forming into the installation
At least I kept the walls warm, but you said I couldn’t keep you company for long
I grew brighter, and I pulled myself from the house’s walls
This house of “not good enough’s” was not good enough for me
I crawled upon the ginger root while evacuating the house
I surpassed the pedestal you stood on with your balancing yoga pose
My foot slipped upon an inkwell, which trickled onto your dark face, making it darker
Exposing the inescapable reflection of your surface personality
No longer sparkling in the shimmer of applause you love to bask under
I escaped from the dirty tunnel filled with feelings of others you tossed here and there
The ones you left hanging out to dry with no explanation; just placing a clock in their heart
A ticking clock which beats until their next cry
That tunnel of “what ifs” and “not good enough’s” rang once an hour
Every time they thought of you the whole place shook, and that feeling in my stomach would come back
Their needy hands stretched from here to there, searching to play with your hair
Searching for your face
I slouched there, swaying to and fro with two fingers in my ears
Going back in my mind to the place where you did not exist
A time when my lips did not know yours
Time is who I was waiting for; he showed every so often to pour a bucket into the abyss I dreamed to fill
Time told me I was good enough and he helped me grow
I grew taller on the inside: so tall that I made it passed the weeping willows whose crying leaves tampered with my mind, surfacing the memories of you
Upon my departure, I tightened the screws to the tunnel’s manhole and left that crumpled foil behind
No longer do you sparkle
No longer do they cry
No longer exists a wounded hole
Only certain areas for steam to escape, crawling towards the sky

Special Easter

My niece was peaking through the kitchen after searching for Easter eggs.

Since today was Easter, I decided to make a special raw cheescake for everyone.



Here's how it went:

First, you soak 4 cups of raw cashews overnight



The next day you start with the crust by putting 2 cups pecans into a food processor.



Chop the pecans up into a fine meal


Add 4 Dates
2 tbsp Cacao
Pinch of salt
Mix in food processor until it turns into a ball, then mold around a pie plate
Set the crust in the freezer while you're working on the rest of the cheesecake

Then for the "cheesecake" part:
Add your 4 cups of raw cashews into the food processor (a cup or so at a time)


This cheesecake mixture will get thick:
Add gradually--
1 cup Agave
1 cup raw Cocoa Butter (or coconut oil)
1 cup Water (or less)
1 tsp Vanilla

Add this mixture on top of the crust & make sure there are no air bubbles
Set in the freezer for an hour.

For the ganache:


whisk these ingredients in a warm bowl:
1/2 cup Cacao
1/2 cup raw Cocoa Butter (or coconut oil)
1/4 cup agave
1/4 tsp mint extract

Then pour on top of the cheesecake

This could get messy, so be careful!
The ganache will mold quickly to the top.

Place in the fridge for a while to let the cheesecake soften.
Enjoy!

Expanding Creativity

Ironically (or is it synchronicity?), I came home from studying under Joey Klein, my spiritual teacher, this weekend to find a few pages to read for design, which happened to coincide with what I was taught. My teacher spoke about acknowledging human emotions, and we focused on substituting that emotion for a state of being during our meditation. We also used forgiveness towards others and ourselves, which is important because self worth frees the mind of fears.

Fears seem to rob people of their highest potential, like an artist thinking they will never be good enough to work for their favorite designer. I believe everyone is creative, but not everyone knows they are creative. “Knowing” you’re creative comes first, then “experiencing” creativity comes next, and then “being” creative happens. This requires an open mind. An open mind requires shaping the mind from concrete to play-dough to rid the mind of “the story”, which consists of negative thoughts about yourself and the world around you. The story also becomes a comfortable pattern for the mind, like when an artist/designer believes they are only able to come up with a creative idea at the last minute before deadline, then that’s what happens.

Transforming the mind in an expansive, positive and constructive way comes with altering the mind’s perception of the world, which creates an enlightened mind. Training the mind to be in a state of love eliminates the trap of emotions the mind tends to fall into. From experience I’ve noticed in the past that I would only work on a creative project when strong emotions were present within me, such as breaking up with a boyfriend, or receiving a gift that triggered the “happy” emotion. Now I enjoy waking up early to work on a painting, or adventure out on a photo shoot because I trained my mind to be in a state of joy, love, etc. These states of being turned on the faucet to my creativity, and I noticed many artists and designers are trapped by their emotions, which block the flow of creativity.

I say “happy” and “joy” are different because when someone chases happiness they’re connected to endless desire that can never be met. Happy is an emotion because it’s connected to the ego, which always wants something. The state of joy keeps someone content, no matter what activity or setting they are in, and joy expands the mind rather than contracting. If everyone practiced transforming their mind from emotions to states of being, then I believe they would have the potential of endless creativity.

Distance

I feel you from the inside
Nothing feels real anymore
Real lives within

I see you
Yes I really see you
For what you are
Do you see me?

Flick, flick, light
Light me up inside
That fire grows with your breath
Breathe me in; let me in
Don't think
Can't break this
Please don't look away

His soul walks through me
Layers within his makeup
Deeper now, you've got it
Look past
Just feel

But you begin to shape your eyes
around those wrists and hands
Hands that shape around strings
And strings that sing; sing like angels

Hush.
Draw your thoughts away
I feel the touch of the hand behind my ear
But it's only in my mind; how could I forget?
This blueprint sits dusty within the file cabinet
The file in my head; shut the door again

No strings attached
Only to guitars that get to hold your hand
I'm not afraid to feel

I'm vulnerable in front of this window
Yes, I left the shade down
At least it's not a wall
If your sunshine climbs through,
then I'll take that rock we found
Remember the heart shaped one laying peaceful in the sun?
Its hole exposed expressive possibilities
of what could happen--chained around your neck, or us falling into disaster

Well, I'll throw it so hard through that window
Break now, break, break
Glass will shatter only if your light was true
True like sunbeams that love the earth without conditions
Even through clouds...
Fully exposed, with my heart so true
I will breathe you in without the room full of windows

But your light seemed to be fluorescent,
only becoming on certain areas of my face
This awkwardness makes my stance look funny
And your eyes tend to look away
Thinking of my flaws?
I will not be offended,
for I know I am love..no not loved...
I AM LOVE

Until you realize the gift you can give,
I'll sit so quaint in the sunbeams
that sew its warmth to my fire.

Smiling From The Inside

It's quite challenging to communicate
this soul that is me and my hand that writes.
They look to be gliding along so effortlessly.

But inside my conciousness feels what is truth
My mind knows what is thought

Who I am gets lost in translation.
Ink cannot expose me
and only thoughts can judge me.

Mother nature recognizes my being
and she knows my ball of light is calm
So we speak through our feelings
as she loosely tangles her windy fingers upon my hair

My gasps of air are long and fulfilling,
exchanging peace with rays of sun
Hearing the musical dance between daffodils
expands my heart with grattitude.

My light inside laughs delicately,
enough to fill my chest with joy
This body of mine cannot keep up,
excitement like this is rare

As my pupils grow large
my soul escapes to dance among the wind and grass.
I realize how aesthetic this being is:
who can be one with life
and float among Heaven on earth.

Married to God

You have made a mockery of this world.
A world we were to be married in: to experience one another.
But dark veils cast a comfortable bed around the waters of emotion where you swim among the sharks rather than the dolphins.
Can you even see the sun or feel its warmth from under the pressure and the static sounds that your mind has lured you into?
Some seek the false sun, which wraps its vines around their necks, so no truth is unveiled.
You say you want peace, yet you ralley and yell; speak words of stone and syllables cold as the walls holding up the colosseum.
You cannot intervene in choices, for that is why we came here: so you can be the candle in the sun and know the truth that you too are God.
I know the type-ones who speak, yet do not act. They keep a drug of choice, which grows beneath their beds, while the television fades with screams of troubled spirits fogging up the screen.
You claim those "righteous" ones to be effective, but what are they rising up to? A new way to reach higher into the false illusion of bliss?
If you just remembered the place of perfection, the place of the absolute, whence you came, then drugs would become forgotten; you and God would be married. That love would live inside and grow to be your family, your lover, your friend, the source you live for and live from. You can be fulfilled in every moment of now.

Go for it, and leave behind the static, put down your walls around yourself and just love. Then the walls between conflicts will fall like gravel to pave the way in the warmth of our oneness.