A tear fell upon my apron,
and one made a noise while hitting the floor. . .
paint underneath my fingernails,
a wet painted face staring back at me.
I realized that my friends exist on canvas,
characters from other realms. . .
places that understand,
where words of the mind don't matter
and our stare possesses the essence of our soul.
A place where sadness like this does not exist.
I want to be done with this emotion. . .forever.
Small minds cannot understand large spirits,
so I'll come to terms with being misunderstood.
I pray that this loneliness be filled with solitude,
the difference lying between rage and contentment.
My life, supplied with everything I need,
yet I still feel unfulfilled.
Knowing about a special place
that I cannot seem to reach again,
leaves me feeling helpless & home sick.
I lost my humility and gave my power to the mind.
I hate my mind right now. . .
it went on and on about your greatness,
giving itself all the credit.
So, I made an alter to bow to your grace
and quiet the ego who took me out
from under your shining glory,
which used to pour into me like a waterfall.
Now I'm treading water, desperately searching
for the waterfall of bliss,
the tree of life within.
These un-cried tears forced a fake smile all this time,
and now I'm surrendering, taking one last breath.
I'm sinking now into unknown waters,
but this is where He said I would grow most. . .
places where comfort is thrown to the wind
and my vulnerable spirit stands before
the all powerful Source of The One.
I found out that our planet is on the outskirts,
furthest away from You,
and my heart sank. . .
Like watching fresh snowflakes fall,
that magic slipped from me.
I cried for days, mad at myself for
losing that deep sense of peace,
the relationship I had with God,
which I substituted for one with my false self,
using the mirror to marvel at this body
that is not me.
One day I'll rise above this & laugh without sadness.
Time will show me transformation,
it has to. . .otherwise, I don't believe in time.
Pure bliss will rise again within me
because my destiny will be fulfilled.