Treading Water

A tear fell upon my apron,

and one made a noise while hitting the floor. . .

paint underneath my fingernails,

a wet painted face staring back at me.

I realized that my friends exist on canvas,

characters from other realms. . .

places that understand,

where words of the mind don't matter

and our stare possesses the essence of our soul.

A place where sadness like this does not exist.

I want to be done with this emotion. . .forever.

Small minds cannot understand large spirits,

so I'll come to terms with being misunderstood.

I pray that this loneliness be filled with solitude,

the difference lying between rage and contentment.

My life, supplied with everything I need,

yet I still feel unfulfilled.

Knowing about a special place

that I cannot seem to reach again,

leaves me feeling helpless & home sick.

I lost my humility and gave my power to the mind.

I hate my mind right now. . .

it went on and on about your greatness,

giving itself all the credit.

So, I made an alter to bow to your grace

and quiet the ego who took me out

from under your shining glory,

which used to pour into me like a waterfall.

Now I'm treading water, desperately searching

for the waterfall of bliss,

the tree of life within.

These un-cried tears forced a fake smile all this time,

and now I'm surrendering, taking one last breath.

I'm sinking now into unknown waters,

but this is where He said I would grow most. . .

places where comfort is thrown to the wind

and my vulnerable spirit stands before

the all powerful Source of The One.

I found out that our planet is on the outskirts,

furthest away from You,

and my heart sank. . .

Like watching fresh snowflakes fall,

that magic slipped from me.

I cried for days, mad at myself for

losing that deep sense of peace,

the relationship I had with God,

which I substituted for one with my false self,

using the mirror to marvel at this body

that is not me.

One day I'll rise above this & laugh without sadness.

Time will show me transformation,

it has to. . .otherwise, I don't believe in time.

Pure bliss will rise again within me

because my destiny will be fulfilled.

Delicate Places

So subtle and fragile, this warmth we created between our touch.

A space where no words existed; a place only few will find some day.

I was at peace before I met you, and now my skin crawls for the

grasp of your hand when I'm standing alone in public places.

Why did I let myself get to this level of suffering?

I jumped into you and took a risk without thinking,

it's what inspirational quotes tell us to do.

God showed me what I was missing,

someone with the capacity to care for me

in a way I've never experienced.

You let me share my nurturing hands upon your face

and surrendered to the peace we brought between us.

Then I witnessed the side I never wanted to realize,

a part of you that pushed my heart away from yours.

Your eyes, they shut down and look away, pulling down the blinds

when I mention delicate encounters I've had with God.

It's what makes me glow, but still you can't believe what I say.

I can just tell you never will.

I cried because the understanding I waited for never arrived.

All I wanted was your acceptance.

Maybe a relationship is about working through obstacles,

but the other side of me says life should be easy.

I tend to self sabotage myself, so I never get too close.

. . .the delicate part of my heart radiates like the sun,

a space I've cultivated for thousands of lifetimes.

This world seems too harsh to share it with.

Your unsure eyes tell me you want to fit in with

all the others who live in a world apart from mine.

So, I will find my peace once more in solitude,

without the grace of your touch.