Treading Water

A tear fell upon my apron,

and one made a noise while hitting the floor. . .

paint underneath my fingernails,

a wet painted face staring back at me.

I realized that my friends exist on canvas,

characters from other realms. . .

places that understand,

where words of the mind don't matter

and our stare possesses the essence of our soul.

A place where sadness like this does not exist.

I want to be done with this emotion. . .forever.

Small minds cannot understand large spirits,

so I'll come to terms with being misunderstood.

I pray that this loneliness be filled with solitude,

the difference lying between rage and contentment.

My life, supplied with everything I need,

yet I still feel unfulfilled.

Knowing about a special place

that I cannot seem to reach again,

leaves me feeling helpless & home sick.

I lost my humility and gave my power to the mind.

I hate my mind right now. . .

it went on and on about your greatness,

giving itself all the credit.

So, I made an alter to bow to your grace

and quiet the ego who took me out

from under your shining glory,

which used to pour into me like a waterfall.

Now I'm treading water, desperately searching

for the waterfall of bliss,

the tree of life within.

These un-cried tears forced a fake smile all this time,

and now I'm surrendering, taking one last breath.

I'm sinking now into unknown waters,

but this is where He said I would grow most. . .

places where comfort is thrown to the wind

and my vulnerable spirit stands before

the all powerful Source of The One.

I found out that our planet is on the outskirts,

furthest away from You,

and my heart sank. . .

Like watching fresh snowflakes fall,

that magic slipped from me.

I cried for days, mad at myself for

losing that deep sense of peace,

the relationship I had with God,

which I substituted for one with my false self,

using the mirror to marvel at this body

that is not me.

One day I'll rise above this & laugh without sadness.

Time will show me transformation,

it has to. . .otherwise, I don't believe in time.

Pure bliss will rise again within me

because my destiny will be fulfilled.

Delicate Places

So subtle and fragile, this warmth we created between our touch.

A space where no words existed; a place only few will find some day.

I was at peace before I met you, and now my skin crawls for the

grasp of your hand when I'm standing alone in public places.

Why did I let myself get to this level of suffering?

I jumped into you and took a risk without thinking,

it's what inspirational quotes tell us to do.

God showed me what I was missing,

someone with the capacity to care for me

in a way I've never experienced.

You let me share my nurturing hands upon your face

and surrendered to the peace we brought between us.

Then I witnessed the side I never wanted to realize,

a part of you that pushed my heart away from yours.

Your eyes, they shut down and look away, pulling down the blinds

when I mention delicate encounters I've had with God.

It's what makes me glow, but still you can't believe what I say.

I can just tell you never will.

I cried because the understanding I waited for never arrived.

All I wanted was your acceptance.

Maybe a relationship is about working through obstacles,

but the other side of me says life should be easy.

I tend to self sabotage myself, so I never get too close.

. . .the delicate part of my heart radiates like the sun,

a space I've cultivated for thousands of lifetimes.

This world seems too harsh to share it with.

Your unsure eyes tell me you want to fit in with

all the others who live in a world apart from mine.

So, I will find my peace once more in solitude,

without the grace of your touch.

True Beauty

A dream and beyond. . .

Beyond is the essence I strive for, and I say "essence" because our minds cannot comprehend

its magnificence and ever flowing quality of grace. This realm of angels and collective consciousness has no need for bodies or "things". Use your imagination to take you higher,

float above this Earth and realize its True, Natural beauty. For then we can live from a desire and passion based from this all-knowing wisdom that we could feed upon each day.

Dropping our insults and negativity, the starvation for constant entertainment quiets

as the essence of Grace fills the forgotten space, livening our faces and our hearts.

And from this space we shall come together soon, without criticism, appreciating life and "a job well done" as Art. Life becomes Art. Carrying our stature in a beauty of Grace,

noticing every detail of his face. . .her face. . .your face. Wandering in wonder about how we came to be in this space, this place we call Earth. Each moment will be appreciated as a real gift,

being polite and never refusing each second. We all collect in the same space in the end,

but let's begin here, so we can invite Heaven to stay inside each one of us.

Real vs. Illusion

If I told you we will live forever

what would you say? Is our life here a wrinkled illusion?

I've been to the real Kingdom and

transformed into a new life of non-conformity and freedom,

a life where starving for another's touch disappears into blackness,

which collects a certain mystical presence that dense souls long to achieve.

The connection we once bathed in hung on wires that

lead us into temptation, forgetfulness, and a lack of action,

and now this new fuel pumping in my veins longs for God, knowing & giving.

But, our dance was sweet as our souls mingled above and below us,

embracing each level of communication we spoke from.

A thought severed the many possibilities of Unity between you & I.

The thought of d i f f e r e n c e,

forming a fence and leaking all sources from which we drew our Love.

I donated all my energy into plugging the leaking hole,

so the fire that we both brought to this Earth would grow. . .

now I hear whispers of your voice before I doze off into another world,

telling me to "hold on"

and the passion we ignited rumbles inside of me

as I dream of your embrace,

which competes with the hug of a thousands angels

that I rise to meet every night.

So do I forget this Earthly love and rise above the situation?

Or do I torture myself with memories that are still real inside my heart?

I fill the empty paper cup screams with chocolate and exercising,

so my mind is too tired to remember you and the chocolate soothes my broken heart.

I happened to trip on a rock filled with emotion,

but the path seems smooth now. . .

when you're not here, I tell myself it was all a dream,

and I continue to rise above Earthly cares.

I pray for the day when our fence does not exist

and you can meet me in a room full of angels,

who sing their chorus around us whenever I'm holding your hand.

Until then, I'll dream of your smile. . .

But just to make sure you know,

I fell because of your heart,

because whenever I closed my eyes when you hugged me,

I surrendered to Divine acceptance & Love,

so thank you for tearing down my walls. . .

the illusion is broken, and my Kingdom became brighter.

Blank Stares

Blank stares, like staring at a wall

I would paint your eyes green and rid you of the wallpaper,

Which hung for decades as a disguise that never wanted to change. . .

The same style operating from the mind

This room needs windows, decorated in ornate bliss

To let the light in that will form shadows to guide you.

Don’t settle in the corners of this dusty room,

Just fill it with a pure flame of light to drown out

The fluorescent rays of doubt,

Which captured your dull side of a personality. . .

Shine the windows and clear away the webs of chatter,

Clean your eyes with new ways of seeing,

So the stare you once gave me can now radiate for everyone.

Twin Flames of Indigo

Slip into the sink

cause it's filled with water by now.

Time let it accumulate.

A hue of blue settles at the bottom,

where I thought you were drowning.

A world without air turns perception upside down.

Bursting through my pores,

our water from the sink came to a surface of light.

Through the eyes of my pure nature,

the light transformed the blue hue into white and gold.

Now I'm tired, and the essence of myself is vibrating

into an abyss I've visited before in the ether of magnificence.

I thought I needed you to stay afloat. . .

your physical body, the thought of you, or your essence,

I don't know, maybe I do. . .

Because you're the only one in the room I see,

since your body is a light house,

carrying the illumination I see inside myself.

So, I'll breathe in my own essence,

and meet you at the bottom

because no one but you can swim so deep,

as deep as my soul goes.

I saw the blue and thought of you,

and while I waited, a messenger came by,

a mermaid swam by who asked for my patience.

She said you lived in deep waters already,

a place like Atlantis painted in dark hues of blue.

There I remained in the light of indigo,

waiting for the treading of your hands

to pull me deeper, back into the illumination

of the essence we broke from in the beginning.

Two souls ripped at the beams. . .

crisscrossing back into their double helix of light.

Understanding Love

A presence with no words, nothing to say to you,

an unmeasurable light of sound & beauty,

just pouring into your soul with an intent of connection.

It's a love no one understands,

yet it's the one everyone is looking for.

We cannot understand with the mind,

so our heart must open the door

to greet a long time friend,

one who knocks so frequently

to the beat of our heart.

A heart birthed from love,

living underneath the Earth,

constantly carrying us in her womb,

so we can experience each other

from our Father, our friend, our love.

Inside me exists a relationship of

Mother and Father, existing as one being.

I let them in and offered a place to stay.

Now they live inside my heart,

permeating and anchoring themselves

inside every cell and muscle.

Now I understand.

I am the Light, the Love, the Key.

Oxygen

I threw away my mind,

left it on your doorstep. . .

told you to use it as oxygen,

while the organs in your body shut down.

Cause all I am is a thought,

so I gave you health with words & love,

and solitude showed up with a knock at my door.

I opened it kindly, for fear of being rude.

Solitude kindled a little fire,

which seemed familiar,

like something I vibrated to before.

But this time it grew bigger inside my heart,

inside my gut. . .

This is where I felt your purity,

birthing yourself anew.

This tree of life was always there,

growing every day. . .

and in myself I saw you too,

expanding from a life you once knew.

The magic is there,

she opened me up,

mother earth cradling me through the air.

So, if you don't believe, that's okay. . .

I'll hold a space inside this magic box,

as I sift through your air.

Words of Distortion

Letters into words,

they become meaningless

when sleeping ears critique their form.

Every little curve. . .

definitions for minuscule cursive markings.

Endless days of this study turned my soul to mush,

or at least I thought.

For I fell deep into the earth

while I slept with no expectations,

looking around and realizing that my soul never left...

I was there the whole time,

birthing a new experience to later tell my mind,

but translations never came in pure form

because my soul speaks a language of its own.

It dances to the whistle of the wind,

and caresses itself in a circle of music,

which strings itself upon stairs of gold,

allowing me access whenever I please.

In a room occupied by organized chaos,

I transform my perception by falling,

falling deep into the earth again,

and rising up to meet my Self once more.

Then the scenery brightens & the people become pure,

leaving no trail of distortion in my mind.

LOVE

L cradles the O,

then V follows the crowd,

but E turned into Evolution,

and he radiated a love for everyone.

No more obsessed, emotional relationships

surrounded around the scent of another's skin,

or the way they fix your tea.

Once derived from passion,

now fixed upon the focused goal:

to light our soul's purpose

through healing the world

with our love.

Air

Running in a rut,

sitting on a fence.

Watch a movie,

write a poem,

say a prayer,

fall asleep,

dream of air.

Air to breathe among tension between households.

Air to breathe when merely surviving isn't fulfilling.

Air to breath, rather than fill my mind

when there's nothing to talk about...air head.

Maybe every time a thought appeared,

my parents fought aloud,

causing my brain to shut off,

not wanting to talk to anyone.

So, I keep my thoughts to myself

while their anger fills up the silent room,

and when I walk through,

I split the air in two.